Drums please!

Ladies and gentlemen; and now the greatest show on earth! In this tent we feature the wildest, the most dastardly, the cunningest, and the strangest show on earth!

Ladies and gentlemen, if you'll draw your attention to the main ring; the show is about to begin! Ladies and gentlemen; it is my honor to introduce - just back from its travels across dark and mysterious AAAASSSSSIIIIAAAAAA - the fantastic, the mysterious, the magical: BANDWIDTH REPORTS. Look at them go! ladies and gentlemen:

Can you belive this?

Thank you; thank you; ladies and gentlemen. Next up is the amazing Mysteriouso from the fabulous and wealthy INDIA!